Azure

This is a monologue about life. I could try to explain it, try to leave it with some monochrome definitive meaning, but that wouldn't do it justice to myself. I am just the writer. I just write things. This is a thing that I wrote that I needed to write and now I have. This is the first time I've written something where the darkness wasn't dominating over the light. This is a monologue about everything. It is about staying and leaving. It is a little bit about me and a little bit about you and a lot about a lot. I don't think I'm as sad as I used to be, and I'm glad. Just wait for it. Wait a little longer. This isn't the end, it's only the beginning. You can start reading now.

MARYA is laying on her back on a professional size desk, her profile to the audience. She is in her early twenties, just on the cusp of adulthood while straddling the menial teenage issues and habits. She is dressed in tight blue jeans with tall heeled boots and a nondescript v-neck. She has squared glasses and that frazzled kind of long, curly hair. She is staring at the ceiling.

MARYA

When someone says 'Mortality', your reflex is to immediately reference death in your head. Even if you hadn't, you are now! Look at how that happens.

She turns her head on it's side to face the audience.

But death isn't all there is to mortality. There's a life going on, too.

She turns her body on it's side so that she is very technically fully facing the audience.

I mean, I'm not an expert or anything but

She sits up with her legs almost touching the floor although not quite reading, even in the boots. A Pause. Serious.

Mortality: the quality or state of being mortal. Merriam-Webster, 2013.

A Pause. Wavering confidence.

Mortal: a human, or an ordinary person. Cambridge, 2013.

A Pause.

I mean, sure. Even dictionaries can be stuck on the whole 'death' thing. The big D.

Mortal: of a living human being, often in contrast to a divine being. Subject to death. Oxford, 2013.

Gaining traction with herself.

But that's not the point! What's the point of pessimism. I just don't get it.

Pulling one leg up to hold.

I mean, there's only so much a person can take.

Loosening grip of leg to slide into a half pretzel. More relaxed than expected.

Okay. I get it. Kinda. The 'Human Condition'. Inevitability. The whole shtick. But really! I mean, I know, I know. Ashes to Ashes. But I don't need someone's breath down my neck telling me that I better do Something before I die.

Mocking.

You better make it count. You only get one. Everything you do affects everything in your entire life until one day you don't have a life to affect, but even then, you'll be affecting your family because as we all know, you aren't successful until you pop something out.

Joking to herself.

Literal popping. Pop Pop Pop! I'm going to explode.

Sobering up.

I'm going to explode.

Slightly Panicked.

I'm going to explode.

Bitter.

I don't want to explode.

A Pause.

But of course, that's none of your business. For all you have the right to know, I could be anxiously awaiting the day I burst. I could be sneakily planning to do it, putting it off for the -

A pause. Smirking.

The perfect moment. I'll do it when no one's looking, or on a livestream to Lithuania. On Christmas or New Years or my birthday. Your birthday. Maybe I'll pop pop pop right in front of you.

She realizes what she's saying. A pause.

I didn't mean that. I didn't mean any of that. CHRIST! I swear I didn't.

Smiles, partly forced and partly overdone.

Look! Positivity! The celebration of life and all things holy and everything beloved in this wondorous world. I am the Walrus!

She looks down.

I'm sorry, okay? Does that make everything okay again? Can I save this? Can I save you?

I want to save you. I don't want you to have to be saved. I shouldn't be the one saving you, not again. We've gone through this, you know the deal. Call it whatever you'd like. I love you but my horse is not in your race. My horse isn't yours. I'm not yours. You are mine and I won't help you. Save yourself. Save others. I can't keep cleaning up after you.

Mocking.

'Be the best you you can be!' 'Help others before yourself!' You're only as good as your weakest link. We're all alive together.

But the nerves are dying and we need to cut the cord.

Sincere, borderline cheesy at times.

I swear, you will be so great. You will be Great. Spread your wings, Little Bird, you may be mortal but you are alive nonetheless. We aren't in Kansas anymore. We are everywhere at once and the lights keep burning. The lights keep burning and we couldn't put them out if we tried. You will be afraid of the dark always because it will become unknowable. You will never be in the dark again. You are so full, you are the fullest, most plump in every thing I've ever seen and you are so beautiful. You won't need anything ever again. You don't need me anymore. I am just so proud of you. 

Little Bird, won't you sing?